How to talk to your teen!

Hey guys, I hope everyone has had a great week! This week I am talking about how to talk to your teens (really kids in general). As I have mentioned before I have spent a lot of time working with kids and adolescence, I also have 2 young adults now and have always been the sounding board for them and their friends. I say that to point out that I am in no way claiming to be an expert on all things kids, but I come to you with my experience and different tips and tricks I have learned in the past. One the most common problems between teens and parents is communication. As parents we want the best for our kids and from our kids. Sometimes it is really hard to separate our own feelings and fears when it comes to our kids. There are times when kiddos need to talk and have a space to explore their own feelings on a given situation, but we don't always give the proper space. Sometimes (most times) if we have an opinion or believe on the situation, we jump right in and start explaining what we believe is a lesson, but they believe is a lecture. I find this to be one the biggest problems between parents and teens. We as parents have a lot of life lessons and we have better foresight to see where something can become a problem. We try to share our knowledge in hopes that our kids won't make some of the same mistakes we did. The problem is that they see this as a lecture and then they shut down and stop talking. This happens so quick that we don't even realize what has transpired and then we are left asking, "why doesn't my kid ever talk to me?" We need to learn to decipher when is it time for a lecture and when is it time to listen? This is a really hard concept to learn because again we come from a place of protection and guidance and it is not very easy to be able to see the writing on the wall and not feel the need to take away the pen! If your child is trying to talk about a situation that they are trying to figure out a solution to, try to listen from a place of understanding and not jump right into parenting. We have all told our kids, "I am your parent, not your friend," and I do believe that parents need to be parents, but I believe there is a space to be both. Having boundaries between the two is where it gets tricky. I know that if I am always in parent mode, my kids won't talk to me the way they talk to their friends. They won't come to me with a problem they are struggling with if all I ever do is tell them how to handle it instead of giving them a place to explore options to handle it. An example is if my child has a fight with a friend and comes to me to talk about it and all I do is lecture about how that friend was never a great friend anyway and that they are better off without them, I am not helping my child dig through their own feelings about that friendship. They need a place to explore what does friendship mean to them, what do they expect from their friendships, are they being a good friend and holding themselves to the same standard they are holding others to? Helping my child work through their own feelings and exploring whether they are holding themselves accountable is more valuable to me than making sure that my will is done. Teens want a safe place to be able to ask questions, and discuss possible outcomes without feeling like everything they say turns into a lecture.....even if it is hard or uncomfortable conversations. Again, I am not saying give up the parent status and become your child's friend, I am saying find the balance between the two and know that there is a time for lecturing and a time for listening. Be mindful of that and remember that if you are giving (probably really great) life advise, there is a chance your teen is receiving that as a lecture, unless they directly asked for advise. Listening and supporting means asking thought provoking questions and giving them a space to think about it. IE. "What are the qualities you want in a friend, what would it look like for you if you decided to stop being their friend?" Supporting your teen through hard feelings, thoughts, and decisions instead of lecturing them allows them to grow into healthy adults that are not afraid to deal with hard feelings and situations. It encourages them to understand their own emotions and be willing to explore and deal with feelings instead of burying them to create more problems later in life.

Thanks for reading, I hope you all have a great week!